Smiling through the pain

So this blog post was written from the bath (dangerous game I know, new phone in the bath!). Sadly this wasn't a bath to pamper myself, this was a bath to try and ease the excruciating amount of pain I'm in!

(So a brief note on how fibromyalgia affects me. I'm in all over pain 24/7. This pain can flare up and then it can go back to, what I call, it's normal level. It never goes away! That topped with chronic fatigue is awesome.)

Today a severe pain flare up has decided to rear its ugly head and the worst part is I have no control over it! For starters, my hands and feet feel like I've been on bear crawling hot coals. My whole body feels like it's been hit with a truck and any pressure on my body, even sitting on the sofa, feels like being beaten with a baseball bat.

Sadly the bath doesn't feel like it helps physically. If I put my hands and feet in the warm water the burning sensation gets worse. But I know it makes a difference in the long run.

The bath is an attempt to calm me down mentally. The constant pain is hard enough to deal with daty-to-day, but during a flare up it's a lot harder to handle emotionally. I close my eyes and just repeat to myself, over and over ...

I will get through it.

It will get easier.

Push through it.

Don't give up!!!

This is the hard part of balancing this illness with my love of BJJ. Trying to work out when pushing through the pain is a good idea and when I should just stop and rest! I'm a very (VERY!!!) stubborn person and sometimes like to pretend I'm fine and keep pushing!! That's when Jon is the voice of reason, he encourages me to stop and rest when I need to pace myself, so I can push myself that but further another day!

Training on Friday was great - I'm starting to find my way again and remembering how to move - but the down side is I have no idea how long my flare ups last for and how intense they will get.

I guess I will just have to wait and see what happens next!