My Friend Pain

Pain…

…it just doesn’t seem a strong enough word to describe how I’ve been feeling since Friday night. It really doesn’t do it justice!

A couple of rounds in to flow rolling and I had to stop.

Every muscle in my body feels rock solid, and my hands and feet are on fire. I’m so disheartened, everything was going so well, and I could feel my improvements from the last few weeks slowly getting me back to how I was before pregnancy.

And now I find myself sat in the corner of the mats, trying to breathe through the pain, trying to pull it together, trying to make it look like I’m just chilling and taking a breather - when all I really want to do is run outside, throw up and collapse (preferably avoiding the aforementioned puddle of puke!).

I manage to ‘stubborn’ my way through the rest of the class, rolling with some great people who help me develop my skills whilst understanding that I’m not feeling amazing. I concentrate on the basics – fundamentals which will help me relax a little, and not feel like I’m fighting for my life every time I’m rolling!

By the time I’m home, my whole body is shutting down. I can barely move. Even the running water of the shower hurts. It’s going to be a long week of recovering!

Does the pain suck? Yes!

Does the exhaustion suck? Yes!

Am I fed up of it? Of course I am!!

But I’m not going to be put off. When rolling it all melts away. I’m just in the moment, concentrating on movements, relaxing, unwinding, de-stressing and enjoying the roll.

I knew it would take time to build my body back up to training. The first few months especially were always going to be tough. But it’ll be worth the effort to push through it. I’ll always have the pain and exhaustion but it will become easier to manage both physically and emotionally. Mentally I’ll become happier and calmer and my physical recovery time will improve to the point where I may even be able to train most days…well that’s obviously the dream!

For now though I’m forcing myself to rest as much as possible this week. It’s driving me nuts but I have to go though the motions for the long term.

But I will get there.

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